Hollywood buys new MP3 player. Gives self high five.

After spending 102 hours researching every MP3 player created since the Mesozoic Age, your friend Hollywood will finally STFU as the quest has been completed. It was a long and arduous journey, filled with excitement, adventure, and tears.


Hollywood's trusty sidekick for the past several years, the Toshiba Gigabeat S, has passed on. A funeral pyre was held for the Gigabeat, known by friends as Giggy, the Gigster, and Getting Giggy With It, at sunrise this morning. A lone bag piper played Giggy's favorite song, Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect, as he passed on to MP3 player heaven.

There were many candidates to fill the void left by Giggy, most notably an iPod Touch. However, the FBI's recent investigation in to the iPod Touch's alleged attempt to sell the Senate seat vacated by President-Elect Obama made it an likely candidate.

"I'm f***ing untouchable!" proclaimed the Touch in a wiretap phone conversation obtained by the FBI.

The vacated MP3 player position will be filled by a 30 gb Microsoft Zune, a much safer bet agree critics. The Zune has been in the news as of late with it's late-to-the-party Y2k9 bug, however, as with all Microsoft products, you just need to restart the little buddy and he keeps on kicking.